More on that in a minute.

The new backyard apple tree. Can’t seem to resist planting trees.

So, gongoozling is the odd habit of watching English narrowboats as they ply the canals of the UK. Narrowboats are odd things in themselves, typically 50 to 55 feet long but only about 6.5 feet wide—with saloon, galley, head, bedroom, etc., all stretched out like a long hallway. The boats have to be narrow to navigate the narrow canals and the many, many locks on the English canal system. At present, there are about 30,000 of these not-inexpensive craft floating in ditches and trenches

Anyway, we were introduced to a vlog (video blog) by John (way back when we were on Island time) produced by a semi-retired, middle-aged English bloke who seems to have made cruising the canals a big part of his life’s work. And, as you can see from the screen shot above, I am up to episode 113 (which is I think only a small fraction of the sum total).

So let’s think about this. The typical vlog is, I would guess, about 12 minutes long. Using some form of higher math—12 times 113 equals 1,356 (minutes) which when converted, equals about 22 and a half hours. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE WASTE OF TIME!

And the sad thing is, every night, after dinner, when we think it might be fun to watch something but can’t come up with anything watchable, we watch another two episodes, and that is very much like watching grass grow. Narrowboats cruise along the canals at the breakneck speed of 2 to 3 miles per hour. This relaxed pace becomes obvious when, in the vlog, you see a jogger whip past on the towpath, in a blur.

One episode was devoted to opening up the day’s mail (a few packages potentially useful to cruising). Another focused on changing the engine oil. But perhaps most memorable of all was the episode on marine toilets.

Why do we continue to watch this!? Well, let’s think about it.

It’s mindless. It’s calm. It comes at you in clever and cultured English. It’s more watchable than just about anything else. It’s the perfect antidote to all the spirit-crushing news.

So, recommendation for anyone getting tired of watching paint dry: cruisingthecut.co.uk

And now I’m concerned that when the last trick-or-treater has left, we are going to be left with nothing to watch but episodes 114 and 115.